TORN BETWEEN TWO WORLDS

TORN BETWEEN TWO WORLDS That was the problem, for my ebony beauty. Before she met me, she had learned to accept bad sex, foul language, and the most un-expected lifestyle, which a girl could ask for. A lifestyle, which had begun when she left home, to be "free", of her parents rules, and to find her own life. After all, to hear her friends talk, being on ones own meant setting ones own schedule, and being free to come and go, when a person wished to. While she had DEPARTED high school, once old enough, even her school had remarked that neither "No CHild Left Behind", nor "Race to the Top", could "force" a child to learn a subject, if the student were just not interested. Result, without a high school diploma, and, barely, any reading, skills, the girl would leave high school, to live on "Psychological Disability". Her case-worker would be assigned to make sure that the girl had food, clothing, and shelter. Shelter was the toughest part. With management, constantly, raising rent prices, the girl would move, an average of once per year. Not via eviction, but via notice, to management, that the girl could not AFFORD the new rents. Still, the girl found it nice, having her own place. A place where she could come and go, as she wanted to. She coulld stay out, all night, then sleep, all day, IF she chose to. While living this "carefree" life, when she found that she WANTED a man, she was guided to the first, of a few "brothers". While she made an ATTEMPT, at each man, what she could not stand was how many either wanted to pour booze, or drugs, into her. The "man" she decided to stay with was a man who, on each payday, his first act was to take his check, and make a bet, on the LONGEST odd's he could find. Once he made his bet, and was hoping to win, he would have reckless, profane, animal, sex, with the girl, even as he fantasized, NOT about the girl, but what he would do, when he "hit the jackpot". While she put up, with his profanity (better than drugs, or booze), what seemed to annoy him was the fact that her case-worker held control of her finances. If the girl wanted anything, she was required to ASK the worker. When the girl asked the worker for money, the worker asked "What for?" As a result, the girl DID find out how "un-expected" the world can be. This, when her boyfriend began moving, regularly. In his case, however, it was not "voluntary". In HIS case, it was due to his paying only a deposit, and first months rent. The man, also, used a variety, of false names, to security electricity. The girls KNEW, each time the man was about to move. This because, first his electricity would be dis-connected, for non-payment, then he would be served, to VACATE. Still, the girl found it "exciting", to be around him, since she loved seeing all the neighborhoods, which he moved into, and out of. She did, primarily, date him during the mild weather seasons. The times when it was neither too hot, or cold. She, also, enjoyed dating him, right after he moved into each, new, place,and while he had electric power. The times, when she stayed, at her place, were those days, when the weather was either HOOT, or COLD. Especially when HE had no power, to his heater. Since her own electricity was covered, in her rent, she stayed home, on "hostile" days. While she never asked him WHERE he got his money, after payday, she would have wondered WHY he chose to shop at "round-the-clock" convenience stores. That is, until she understood that these were the only places, open, well after midnight. She wondered since she remembered that, while at home, her mother had shopped at markets, which had wipe open isles, and plenty of variety. By contrast, the convenience stores were small, cramped, and had little, if any, "variety". Still, this, "wild" life was what she THOUGHT she wanted. That is, until occassional, insomnia, struck, and she found herself watching not only sun-rise, but watching the city wake up. About the only day, of the week, when she WANTED to be awake, was on saturday. That day, of the week, when the girls got together, had a few drinks, did some window-shopping, and just "hung out". The mall never said a word, about the group, since they, never, bothered customers. The time, when things began to change, for my angel, began with her noticing me, at the mall. While her friends TRIED to deter us, even using profanity, to divert us, we ended up meeting, and becoming friends. We might have remained "just friends" had it not been for a poker game. A game, in which my angel asked me a favor. Since she could SEE that her boyfriend THOUGHT he had a winning hand, she KNEW that, if he had to, he would put up the truck, which he had just won, a few weeks ago. (The truck owner remained furious that, after losing the truck, in a poker game, he had been ordered to continue making the payments. After all, it was HIS name, not my angels man, on the lease contract.) When she SAW her man carressessing the truck title, in his pocket, she whispered, to me "What would you want, to replace that truck title, in the pot?" When I whispered "A night of your love." When she kissed me, then said "Make it the weekend, and its a deal." I kissed her, as well. Sure enough, when he put the title, in the pot, only to have the other players say "cash ONLY", I asked "Whats the bet?" I was told "$20.00. He puts up cash, or folds." When I removed the title, from the pot, and replaced it with a twenty, saying, to him "I'll just hold onto this." He just shrugged. After he lost the pot, he made a small "scene", then handed the keys over, after my angel said "I made a deal, with him." After the profane man was kicked out of the "party", my angel told him "If you want some, it better be tonight." When he, profanely, asked "What for?" She smiled, as she told him "I have a date, for this weekend." When he asked "With who?" She told him "With the man, who holds that title. That was my deal, with him. I give him a weekend, and he returns the title." That evening was about what she expected. Sex, and profanity. For her, the BEST part, of the evening, was when HE collapsed. She only realized how much she would come to "regret" that weekend when, on friday, I began giving her the kind of seduction, that she only DREAMED of. By saturday morning, she lay, snuggled, to my side, feeling more like a woman, than she had, in a LONG while. She did wonder "WHY did it have to be an IVORY man, who made her feel so special?" She, then, took off a weekend, from her friends, since she WANTED to know more, about me. WHY I was loving her so deeply, and making her feel so "special" What, also, took her by surprise was when, on friday, I had handed her the truck title, saying "I want you to know its your LOVE that I want. Not a debt-bound committment." By monday morning, she KNEW not to say a word, as I dressed, to leave. While she WANTED to say "Thank You, for an excellent weekend", she was "terrified" that she would say "I love you", by mistake. It was not until after I left, that she went to her bathroom, cleaned up, then just stared at her feminine product. For the first time, in a long while, her body was "asking" her "Whats the rush? You can freshen up, any time." What she, also, could not believe was how easily she could not only pick up her pre-paid phone, but how easily she could call her mom. After telling her mom that she had a question, and her mom agreeing, my angel visited her mom, hoping for guidance. As she told her mom "I have a man. He's wild, and un-predictable. Not great in bed, but every woman makes sacrifices. I just wish he wasn't so profane, and that he lasted longer." When mom said "I hear a "BUT" coming", that was what all of mom's kids loved, about the woman. She could hear, see, and feel, "trouble", coming, from miles away. My angel would say "The BUT is that I just spent a weekend with a man, whom I would love to spend a YEAR with." When mother asked "Details?" My angel would say "Remember that beautiful, white, boy, I was telling you about?" When mom would say "Yes, the man you wanted to know MORE about." My angel would say "I found out MORE than I wanted to know." When mom asked "let me guess. He's married." My angel would say "Worse, he is available, beautiful, romantic, and, this weekend, he made me feel like a queen." When mom asked "How did it start?" My angel gave the short version. The poker game, and her asking me to "save" the truck. My offer, of a night, of her love, and her counter-offer, of a weekend. When mom asked, my angel would say "I dont know. All I could think of was that I wanted more than a few hours, with him." When mom asked "What happened?" My angel would say "He came by, on friday, and I did all I could, to keep him happy, until monday.." When mom asked "WHY?" my angel said "Because, on friday, he placed the truck title on my dresser, saying it was my LOVE, not a gambling committment, which he wanted." When mom would say "I am waiting to hear what the problem is." My angel would say "I didnt want him to leave. Not today, not this month." When mom would ask "Why dont you call him, and TELL him that?" My angel would say "No way. I am NOT bringing him back to my bed." When Mom would ask "Why not?" My angel would say "Mom, if I do, I wont let go of him, for a month, maybe six." When Mom would ask "How about nine?" My angel would say "Dont tempt me." When my angel would ask "Mom, I need your advice. I need to know the gentlest way, to tell a man to "get lost". I mean, a way which says "I love you", but you are not for me." Mom would say "Let me get this straight. You have found a man, fallen in love, now you want a romantic way to tell him "We can, never, be"?" My angel would say "I KNEW you would understand." This is when mom would suggest "A dear John letter is the most common form, of rejection. Why not try that?" That day, my angel began writing, in mid-morning, and only stopped, for that blasted, Heavenly, lunch, that mom delighted in preparing. By mid-afternoon, however, mom had watched as my angel began writing more than two dozen messages, crumpling each one up, which grunting and saying "Not romantic enough. I need for him to know how much I love him. WHY cant I write what I am feeling." When mom read through several of the messages, she "read, between the lines", the "I love you, so much." Finally, mom suggested "Why not invite him over. A nice dinner, then a gentle, and romantic, break up. Send him away, feeling like he is ready for his next "adventure". While the dinner, and the music, were fantastic, it was during the "discussion" period, when things got a bit off-track. While my angel had hoped that, with a few, deep, gentle, kisses, she could make me feel both loved, and, gently, rejected, it was not until clothes were cast aside, and I took her to bed, that she whispered "Baby, take ALL you could, possibly, want." When I asked "Why, myy angel." She whispered "Since this will be our last time. I mean, our last date." I told her "In that case, I am going to give you the very best that I am able to." (That was what my angel was "afraid" of) To say that night was "passionate" would be like referring to the Atlantic Ocean a "puddle". That night, we, both, gave our very best, and both prayed, to God, to give one another the best we had, ever, given. The next day, we slept, until noon, then I loved her, some more, before dressing and whispering "My love, I am going to miss this more than anything I have ever had." My angel just lay there, smiling, and hoping not to say a word. It was not until AFTER I departed that she placed a pillow over her face, and, at the top, of her lungs, shouted "I LOVE YOU." When she visited her mom, and the woman said "It looks like your dinner went well." My angel would say "Worse. It was terrible." When mom would say "From that look, on your face, I would say "terrible" is not a bad thing." My angel would say "Worse than you could imagine. I spent the whole evening, working up the courage, to break it off, with him. You know what he did, when I told him?" Mom would say "First, I want to know HOW you told him." My angel would say "I told him "You better take all you want, on this date, since this will be our LAST date." When mom asked "Okay, then what?" My angel would say "In that case, I am going to give you the best that I am able to." When mom looked at the woman, saying "By that smile, I would say it went well." My angel would say "We went, off and on, all night long, then slept until noon. After he kissed me "Goodbye", I had to wait until he left before I risked putting a pillow over my face, and screaming "I LOVE YOU"." When mom asked "Whats your next move?" My angel would say "I dont have one. I guess that I go back to HIM." When mom asked "You dont want to, do you?" My angel would say "We are of the same race. How would it look if I gave birth to, and raised, a family, of ivory children, with an ivory father?" Mom would say "So, you are going back to a man, whom you feel so-so about, just so you can feel comfortable, racially?" My angel would say "Mother, have you no idea what life would be like, for our children, if their father is "different" from their mother?" Mom would say "Actually, I do." Only then did my angel remember HOW she came to be with this family. My angels "true" mother was so racist that she would not even allow her children to play with ivory children. The woman all-but force-fed her children, in the ebony lifestyle. When my angel had asked her mother "Why are we different? What makes us "supe" "rier"?" Once at school age, and while mother filed racial papers, against the school district, saying she wanted her children in a BLACK school, the school district had informed the woman "If you can afford to PAY, for private schooling, the district will not resist. Until then, your children stay in mixed race classes. This is when mothers worst nightmare had happened. Her children made friends, with the ivory children. My angel even became like a third sister, in an ivory family. Yes, mom had two daughters, yet she was happy to take in a child, who wanted to be just a child. For months, while mother was out, doing "who-knows-what", my angel stayed with her "family", and did as mom and dad, said. What mom had not told my angel, until the girl was old enough to accept the story, without bitterness, was that her mother had ONLY come, for the child, when she needed the kid, for both welfare, and housing, needs. When mother had offered dad a "trade", for his help, dad had offered a different "trade". Since dad had mom, and he KNEW mom was "clean", he had offerred mother what she, really, wanted. A "package, from a local dealer, and two 24-packs, of mothers favorite beer. Dad traded mother this, in return for mother signing away ALL rights, to the girl. Including a permission, for adoption, form. While there were some things my angel HATED, about her parents, one thing she admired them for was the fact that they told their children the truth. Maybe age-appropriate truth. Truth, never-the-less. My angels favorite line was when her parents would answer a question, by asking "Does it matter?" In the present, my angel felt she was entering ANOTHER of these moments. She had just spent two, incredible, dates, with a man she could see spending her whole life with, yet she FELT she had to give the "other" man a chance. He had, after all, made promises. He hadn't KEPT any yet, but he, also, had not defaulted, either. Now that she had been with me, however, she asked HIM if he would not just BEGIN work, on his projects. Projects, which included weight loss, reducing alcohol consumption, and drug consumption, and trying to be a better sex partner. Boy! Were these mistakes. While TRYING to keep promises, about alcohol, and drugs, he THREW my angel out of bed, growling that she was "taking too long, to bring him off." The time, when she BIT him was the day when, no matter how FAST, or how AGGRESSIVE, she was, he began pulling her hair, while yelling "Faster, you (profanity), Faster." After she bit him, he, finally, complimented her. This, before telling her to get out. When she asked me the favor, of allowing her to try the same action, on me, my only question was "Once you have enjoyed yourself..." She smiled as she said "Fine. If you like it. I mean, REALLY LIKE it, then you can have what you want." I embraced, and kissed, her, as I whispered "My love, its a deal." I, really, dont know WHAT HE was complaining about. To ME, this woman was an angel, right out of Heaven. She was so good, in fact, that I whispered, to her "Take ALL you want. My god, you are fantastic." Nearly forty-eight hours later, she lay beside me, smiling, as she whisperred "Thank you, my love." When I carressed her, she came down, on me, and we loved one another, for some more time. It was only after, when we were dressed, that she asked "You, REALLY, liked it? No joke. No put on, just for another date, right?" I kissed her as I promised "Sincerity, all the way. By the way, let me know WHEN you want more. You, my love, are an angel." After that "date", the next time I saw her, we met, in a local park, and I was all-too-happy to indulge her, in a deep kiss. After the kiss, we walked, arm-in-arm, through the park, as we discussed nothing in parrticular. That is, until we reached a pond. Here, my angel asked me a question, starting out with "I, already, asked my mom, but I need a mans opinion." When I said "Fire away", she told me how HE had made mention, to her, of how he wanted to invite a group, of five, of his friends, to his place, for a party. The way she said "Presumably, I am to be the "guest of honor". What do you think?" When I asked how many other women were invited, my lady said "My mom asked me the same question. As far as I know, I am the only female, invited. What do you think?" When I told her "If I told you what I think, you would belt me, for sure." This is when she said "Same thing my mom said. How can I prove you, both, wrong?" I suggested "Let ME escort you to the party. If it is legit, I can leave you to enjoy yourself." When she asked "What if I want "some", after the party?" I would whisper "You have my number." While the original plan was for me to collect her, at five p.m., and deliver her, to the party, by six p.m., the morning, of the party, she called, asking "Would you come by, for lunch? Maybe even sooner?" I agreed, saying "I am on my way." That day, "lunch" was forgotten, as we did a real "number", on her bed. According to her, "I just feel that something is up. I dont know why, but I feel it." It was only once IN bed, and in my embrace, that she smiled, and made happy sounds, as she said "NOW, I feel better." By the time her alarm clock sounded, and she cursed it, I was "wiped out", anyway. This is when she smiled, as she said "I guess its time we find out WHO is RIGHT." On the way, to his place, I made no objection, at all, when she wanted to snuggle, very CLOSE, to me. We, even, stopped off, a few times, just to kiss. One time, just short of his place, things went beyond a simple kiss, and she was left to wonder "If I am HIS woman, WHy am I in YOUR arms?" When I went to remove it, I was surprised when she asked "Whats your hurry? Am I THAT ugly?" I would say "If I did not LOVE you, so much, I would punch you, for suggesting that." When we DID arrive, at HIS place, she understood WHY she had felt hesitant, about coming to this party. Lets just say that, when HE opened the door, to invite her in, I noticed that ALL of the men, inside, were as "natural" as they were, the day they were born. When she asked "Whats going on?" HE said something, so profane, I dont even like to think, about it. Needless-to-say, it turns out that both her mom, and myself, were correct. Thankfully, my angel had the sense not to step inside the apartment. Instead, she turned around, and re-joined me (Even as he asked what his friends were to do, now? He had promised them something, and it wasn't deliverred.) Now, whether it is true, or not, I cannot say. All I know is that, over the next, few, days, both my angel, and I, heard rumors. Rummors, which included that the party guests had beaten HIM senseless, then dumped HIM, in an alleyway. Rumors, which claimed that, since my angel had not attended the party, thee guests had used HIM, in her place. All that my angel, and I, knew was that HE was not seen, or heard from, for nearly three months. During this time, my angel and I had shared some FANTASTIC moments, and not just her mom, but her whole family, were HOPING that we would become a real couple. When the Forth of July cut into this time, my angel was surprised when her family invited ME along, for the festivities. What my angel could have done with-OUT, on this holiday, was her dad telling ME what a "catch" his daughter was. That, and her mom, reminding my angel, of how beautiful being a mother was. For mom, though, the "highlight", of the evening, was watching us sharing a deep kiss, during the Grand Finale. When HE did return, it was under most unusual circumstances. It would seem that he was on "Probation", and that this would last for atleast a year. As for the rest of us, we signed papers, saying we would not expose the man to drugs, booze, etc. If we were proven, to have violated the agreement, we could be charged with committing a crime. If HE were proven, to have violated the agreement, HE would be returning to jail. As a "two-time-loser" already, HIS next trip, to prison, would be permanent. What surprised me was when both my angel, and her family, set their watches, then marked the calendar. It seems that they were willing to give the man the "benefit of the doubt" and allow him two weeks, before his next bust. (They should have allowed only ONE week) It was when HE was DRAGGED away, from court, to begin his life sentence, that mom had mentioned, to my angel "I guess that it is time for you to make a decision." When my angel asked "WHICH is the RIGHT deicision?" Mom would say "Thats YOUR decision." My angel was left to be "torn between two worlds" The world, of careless abandon, wild parties, and waking in strange places The world, of waking by the same mans side, every morning, and following the same routine, everyday. Basically, her mom's life. Which life was RIGHT, for my angel?