THE NEW BRADY BUNCH #4

THE NEW BRADY BUNCH # 4 It was a typically warm evening, in their neighborhood, as Carol Brady, and Alice Nelson finished the dinner dishes, and packed the plates, and so on, away, until breakfast. While Carol Brady had no objection, at all, to adding three daughters, to her family, Carol would, at times, confide, to Alice "With a husband, and three boys, I have, never, found life so challenging." When Alice would ask "Why do you say that, Mrs. Brady?" Carol would say "Maybe its just my imagination, but it just seems that, with six kids, to provide for, "romance" just isn't what I remember that it, once, was." Alice would say "You know, the first Mrs. Brady said the same thing, about the girls. Once the children arrived, she, and Mr. Brady, had a more difficult time being "romantic"" When Carol would ask "Did she, sometimes, miss romance, as well?" Alice would quote the first Mrs. Brady, saying "Get it when, where, and how, you can. Until the kids leave home, thats the best parents can hope for." It was just as the women were finishing the dishes, when Jan, and Peter, would enter the kitchen, with Jan asking "Who is looking at the Dougans house?" When Carol would ask "What makes you ask that?" Jan would say "We saw lights, through the windows." Peter would add "Yeah.. Weird, blue, lights. Creepy, eh?" Carol would remind Peter "May I remind you, young man, that some of our curtains might look wierd, to others, as well." Jan would say "I guess so. I guess we just didn't look close enough." Carol would remind her daughter "Remember, young lady. Other families have a right to PRIVACY." After this, Marcia, and Greg, would walk in, sharing a laugh, over how "spooky" the Dougan house looked, after the sun-set. Carol would remind her oldest children "As I informed your brother, and sister, other people have the right to decorate as they choose to. Besides, WHAT were you doing, spying on the house?" Greg would say "We weren't spying. We were interested." When Carol would ask "And WHAT did you find so interesting, about the Dougan house?" Marcia would say "There were some blue lights, in some of the windows." When Carol would ask the children "What happened to respecting PRIVACY?" Marcia would ask "Who needed privacy? There were no cars, in the driveway." After that, Greg and Marcia would follow Peter, and Jan's, path, to the upstairs bedrooms. It was not until Mike returned home, from the office, that Carol woulld suggeest "Mike, I think you better have a talk, with the kids, regarding PRIVACY." When Mike would smile, asking "Okay, who snuck what into whose bedroom, THIS time?" When Carol would say "Mike, this is serious. Four, of our children, are playing "peeping tom", at the Dougan house. All just because the kids say they saw some blue lights, in some of the homes windows." When Mike would half-laugh, as he asked "Blue lights?" Carol would remind her husband "Remember? The deep blue drapes, with the rope, and vine, detail. The ones **I** assisted Mrs. Dougan, in purchasing?" As Mike was saying "Now, I remember. The drapes, which resembled, and even felt like, silk." Carol was saying "One and the same. It seems that our junior "Sherlock Holmes" need a reminder, that our negighbors deserve their privacy." This is when Mike would ask "Carol?" Even as Carol would say "There is no worse manners, than "peeping toms"". When Mike would ask "Carol?"" Carol would say "Okay, maybe profane language is worse, but, still." This is when Mike would cut in, calling "Carol?". When Carol would ask "Yes, dear?" Mike would ask "Didn't the Dougans move out, over a month ago?" Carol would say "No excuse for snooping. I want you to remind the kids that being "peeping toms" is not polite." Mike would ask "WHO were the kids peeping on? Isn't the Dougan house empty?" Carol had just started to say "No excuse", when Mike would remind his wife "Remember? We AIDED their packing. I, specifically, remember your aiding Mrs. Dougan, in packing those drapes. Took you two women about an hour, just to pack eight drapes." Carol would say "Dont exagerate, dear. It was only fifteen minutes." Mike would say "Well, it FELT like an hour." When Carol would remind her husband "Careful packing preserves memories." Mike would say "In this case, forgets memories. When did the kids say they saw these lights?" Carol would say "The kids say the lights appearred, after dark." Mike would say "That explains it!" When Carol would ask "Care to share?" Mike would say "Photo-sensitive lights." When Carol looked confused, Mike would say "Lights, which turn on, at dusk, and off, at dawn." When Mike would say "I guarantee it. Now, let me talk to the kids. After that, you and me can have some "You and Me" time." When Mike spoke to the kids, especially Greg, Marcia, Jan, and Peter, all four kids admitted knowing about the modern style, of lights. When Mike would say "Okay, then. No "haunted house". No peeking. No nothing. Understood?" Greg would ask "Dad, those light sensing things. Dont they flicker, at twilight?" When Mike would say "Sure." Greg would ask "What if I told you that the blue lights do not flicker. They just turn on." Mike would say "Gregory. I wont warn you, again. Unless the new owners of the Dougan house, INVITE you over, you are to stay OFF of that property. Am I understood?" Greg would say "Yeah, dad." When Mike looked at the other three children, almost in chorus, all would say "Right, dad." After this, for three days, architect Michael Brady was confident he was correct, about the Dougan house. This, even as Carol, and Alice, heard other wives, and shoppers, talking about the Dougan house. It was not until three days had passed, that Mr. Brady's firm was contracted, to review the Dougan home, for some prospective buyers. People, who wanted a "general inspection", of the home, to ensure that the home met modern code requirements, for people's safety. Since Mike Brady "just happened" to live, closest, to the house, Mike's boss "suggested" "Mike, why dont you take a look, at the house. You, probably, know more, about the house, than anyone, other than the Dougans did." Seeing a "perfect opportunity", to convince six kids, and two women, that there was nothing "supernatural", about the Dougan house, Mike Brady agreed to accept the assignment. It would be over dinner, that evening, when Mike presented the offer, to his family: "Who would like a chance to look inside the Dougan house?" When Carol would ask "Are you serious?" Mike would say "My boss wants me to survey the house, for some, potential, buyers". When Peter would say "Neet! A real, haunted, house!" Mike would correct Peter, saying "A real HOUSE." Prior to driving, to the Dougan house, Carol would remind her husband "Remember? The Dougans bought those, fancy, expensive, low-watt, light bulbs, for the house." When Mike would say "I remember. Those bulbs cost Mr. Dougan two weeks salary." Carol would add "Thats the reason why the Dougans packed the bulbs, when they moved out." When Mike would say "I am certain that the realtor would have replaced the bulbs, as soon as the home was listed." Carol would suggest "Mind if we pick up a case, of the cheap brand, just as a precaution?" Mike would kiss his wife, saying "Fine, Carol. Just remember which bulbs we put in, so that we only remove our own." Later, Mike Brady would be relieved that his wife had suggested the bulb purchase, especially when the Brady Bunch went on an after-dark "tour", of the Dougan house. After Mike Brady used his "architects access key", to turn on the power, then stepped inside the house, for a moment, Mike was astonished when the wall switch failed to light the ceiling fixture. When Mike called out, to Carol asking "Honey, would you pass me a flash-light?" Carol would ask "What is it? Burned out bulb?" Once Mike had the flashlight, he corrected his wife, saying "You were right, honey. The Dougans took ALL the bulbs." After Mike used the flashlight, to check the fuse box, he had Carol pass him the first, of a series, of bulbs, from a case, which Greg was "charged" with toting. Slowly, room-by-room, as the Brady's advanced, and Mike Brady installed bulbs, the Dougan house came to light. This is when Mike Brady would tell his children "You see, no ghosts. Nothing to fear." When Greg would ask "Dad. How many light bulbs DID the Dougans leave behind?" Mike would say "Son, it seems they removed every, single, bulb." Greg would ask "Then, what was that blue light, that people keep seeing?" When Carol would say "It was, probably, just a light bulb, shining through the drapes." This is when Marcia would ask "What drapes?" Only at that moment did Carol realize that every window, the family saw, so far, had no drapes, curtains, or other coverings. This is when Greg asked Mike "Dad, if WE have the only light bulbs, in this house, HOW do you explain those blue lights, after dark?" Mike Brady was tempted to say "imagination". Instead, the architect would say "You said you wanted to SEE this house. Now that you have seen it, are you happy?" No ghosts?" No-sooner had Mike Brady said the words when the Brady family heard definite foot-steps, coming from the upper floor. When Mike called out "Bobby! Cindy, knock it off!" Bobby appearred, around a corner, asking "Whats up, dad? I'm right here." When Mike called out, to the only, two, Brady's he did not see "Peter, Jan. This is not funny. Stop horsing around." Peter, then Jan, would look in, through the outside door, asking "Whats up, dad?" When Mike would call out "Enough is enough. This house is NOT "haunted". The person, making these noises, will show themselves, right now!" When the next foot-steps sounded as though running away, followed by a door, being slammed shut, except for Greg, who said "I'm outta here", the other kids shrieked, and ran from the house. While Carol, and Alice, followed, to keep track of the kids, Mike Brady would say, to the house "Ghosts, beware. Architect Mike Brady is coming to find you. When I do, you'll be sorry." While Mike Brady MARCHED up the stairs, what he, quickly, noticed was how the light layer, of dust, on the floor, held no foot-prints. When Mike looked for evidence, of rigging, he found nothing. Not even when he used his digital camera. It was only when he was well into searching the second floor that Mike Brady hard movement, on the lower floor. When Mike called out "Carol, Alice. Keeep the kids quiet, while I check this floor." When no reply came, Mike called out "Carol! Alice!" This time, a door slammed, downstairs. This is when Michael Brady would say "Enough is enough." as he rushed back downstairs, ready to reprimand his children. When he found no one inside the house, Mike stepped outside, then asked Carol "WHO was just in the kithcen, and dining room, slamming the doors?" Alice was first to say "Not ME, Mr. Brady." When Carol would add "Thats right, Mike. We have, all, been out here, since the door slammed, upstairs." Mike Brady would say "I just checked the house, from top to bottom. No one inside." This is when Greg would ask "Dad, whats that?" When Mike followed his sons gaze, Mike noticed a blue light, in a window. When Mike said "I intend to find out, right now." Carol would call out "Be careful. A third marriage doesn't sound tempting." When Mike Brady rushed back inside the house, Greg noticed that the blue lgiht did not disappear, until seconds before his father appearred, at the window. While Mike Brady found neither the blue light, nor even a bulb, in the bedroom fixtures, he made certain to collect the bulbs, which Carol had him purchase, before locking the house, and turning off the power. The Brady family was just preparing to enter their vehicles, and depart the Dougan home, when Cindy called her parents attention, to the house. When Cindy asked "Daddy, I thought you said you turned the power off." No-sooner had Mike said "I did, sweetheart", when Cindy askeed "Whats that?" Sure enough, in first one, then two, then three rooms, blue lights appearred, as though filtered through curtains. This is when Carol would say "Thats odd. I, distinctly, remember helping Mrs. Dougan pack those drapes." When Greg would ask his father "Dad, do you believe us, now?" Mike Brady would say "Son, I dont know WHAT to believe. I am, certainly, going to find out, though." The next day, no matter how many people Mike Brady contacted, inlcuding the mayor, the district attorney, and the utility company. None reported any record, of problems, with the Dougan house. Not even a single murder. The house was, also, to YOUNG for anyone to have died in it. The closest thing, that Mike, had, to a clue, was when the utility company suggested "WHY not check the Archeology department, at the university? We use them, all the time, to make sure we dont dig up graveyards, and so on." After Mike Brady thanked the utility, he scheduled an appointment, with the archeologists. Mike was just returning to his work, when a female voice shrieked "I WONT go near that house, again!" When Mike Brady checked out the commotion, he found the potential buyers wife, half hysterical. The woman was claiming to having seen "demons", "imps", and some "creature, with horns, a growling voice, and six-foot long, razor-sharp claws." After the woman was lead from the office, Mikes boss would ask "I hear that you, AND your family, were at the Dougan house, last evening. Did ANY, of you see any of this?" Mike would say "Sorry, sir. We might have heard the house, settling, but no monsters." This is when Mikes boss would say "They, probably, want OUT of the deal." When Mike would say "Why the theatrics? Why not just say "No sale"." The boss would say "Mike, that womans husband put down a non-refundable deposit, on the house. My guess is..." Mike would say "They want their money back." By the time Mike arrived home, Carol, and Alice, were full of questions, about the so-called "demon" house. (The Dougan house). When Mike would say "Relax. My boss found out that the couple put down a deposit, on the house, and now, for some reason, they want out of the deal." When Carol would ask "Why the rumors?" Mike would say "The deposit was non-refundable. My guess is, they want people to think that they were SCARED off the property." When Carol would ask "All of this, JUST to get out of a contract?" Mike would say "AND TRY to get the deposit back." When Carol would ask "What about those lights, in the windows?" Mike would say "Relax, I am talking with some archeologists, tomorrow. I should have some answers, by then." While Mike would have expected his meeting, with the archeologists, to have been dull-/boring, it would turn out to be anything but... As the head, of the Archeologists would state "Once we began examining th property, and the general rea, in question, we began finding conflicting reports, regarding what the site was used for." When Mike Brady would ask "How many rumors?" The group head woulld say "150, so far." When Mike Brady would ask the group head "How many, of these, have facts, to back them up?" The group head would say "That reduces the number, to 20, so far." When Mike would ask "Summary, to date?" The group head would say "A watch/signal tower, a sacrificial altar. Probably a combination trading post/hotel, for travellers. Possibly a supply depot." When Mike Brady would ask the group head "Any, concerning blue lights?" The group head would say "I was saving that for last. IF personal journals can be relied upon, It would seem that, at one point, the property was a bordello." When Mike would ask "You mean..." The group head would say "Precisely. Anytime a woman was "available", she put a lantern, with a blue lens, in her window." When Mike asked "Any dates, for either the watch tower, or the bordello." The group leader would say "Mike, remember. In THOSE day, modern record keeping just did not exist." When an assistant entered the room, informing the group leader "I think we have something, here." When the group leader, and Mike Brady, would ask "What do you have?" The assistant would submit a form of a "journal". IF this journal were accurate, it would solve many of Mike Brady's questions. By the time Mike Brady copied the information, then returned home, to report to his family, AND write a report, to his emloyer, Mike Brady was certain that atleast PART, of the Dougan house question had been answered. As a result, of Mikes calling ahead, Carol, and Alice, would have the whole family gathered, for Mike's summary. In the livingroom, Mike took his favorite seat, then cautioned his children "This information is neither full, nor complete. It is, however, the best rationale." When Carol would say "Come on, dear. We're dying to know". Mike Brady would begin by saying "At one time, a watch-tower DID stand, on, or near, the homes location. Now, as near as anyone can figure out, while bright fires were, often, lit, on the tower, at night, these fires were designed to guide travellers to safety. The blue lights were a local signal, for danger." When Alice woulld ask "What kind of danger"? Indians? Federal government?" Mike would say "Nothing so dramatic. It would appear that, in the days of the territories, bands, of outlaw renegades, routinely raided un-protected communities. As a result, any time the renegades came within a specified distance, of the settlement, the blue lamps were lit, and the people took shelter, and defensive positions." Carol KNEW the Greg woulld be interested, in the next part, of the story. When Carol asked Mike about the alleged "bordello", Mike would look at his sons, saying "Sorry, boys. The rumor, of the bordello, seems to have originated with a "mail order bride" business. It seems that some, monied, person, either a man OR a woman, came to the area, and found that there was a need, for young women, for the local, young, men. As a result, and for a FEE, paid either in gold, or in trade, this business person bought "excess" people, from the over-crowded, east coast. THIS is where the university believes the bordello story began. Families BUYING their sons women." When Carol would ask "What if the boys did not want certain women?" Mike would say "The journals say that such women became farm hands, until other men BOUGHT the women, for themselves." Alice would say "Buying, and selling, women. Easy to see how that could be interpreted..." Alice said no more since Bobby and Cindy, were present. When Carol would ask "Even if all of this is true, WHY didn't this "stiff" happen, when the Dougans lived in the house? Why is it just starting up?" Mike Brady would suggest "You remember how spiritual, and religious, the Dougans were?" Boy! Did Carol remember. Every time a person entered, or left, the Dougan house, Mrs. Dougan said a prayer. While Alice never said a word, especially at the Dougans house, Alice wondered HOW Mrs. Dougan could remember recipes, while saying prayers, over the cooking process. This is when Mike asked his family "What has changed, since the Dougans moved out?" While no member, of the Brady family, would report anything "weird", or suspicious, architect Mike Brady would have growing suspicions, of his own. Suspicions which Carol would basically, agree with. Three weeks after the Brady's first "encounter", with the Dougan house, Mike would inform Carol "I just dont understand it. Atleast five couples have "shown interest", in the house, yet all five suddenly lost interest." Carol would say "I agree. That house is fine. It was even beautiful, when the Dougans lived there." When Mike would add "I know the kids enjoyed the cook-outs." Carol would add "True, sometimes I had to remind the kids not to over-stay." Mike would add "With the number, of times, you visited Mrs. Dougan, I would think you would have told me if anything was going on." Carol would say "I know the family had to move, when their employer relocated company operations, but I DO miss them." Mike would ask "Do you remember anything "odd", from your visits? Maybe, Mrs. Dougan playing music, to cover sounds?" Carol would say "As far as I remember, they had no problems." Mike would mention "Not until AFTER they moved." Carol would ask "Mike, you dont think the Dougans "booby-trapped" the house, do you?" Mike would say "Oh, honey. WHY would such a familly rig a house they will, never, return to?" During his drive, home, from work, one evening, Mike Brady noticed a figure, in a coat, and hat, standing in front of the Dougan house. When Mike would pull over, to ask "Something I can help you with?" A male voice would say "No, all is fine." When Mike would say "Its a fine house. Just right, for a family, starting out." (Mike Brady felt it odd when the figure did noting more than turned, and walked down the street.) When Mike reached the Brady house, and asked Carol, and Alice "I just saw a man, in an overcoat, and hat, standing in front of the Dougan house." When Carol would ask "What was he doing?" Mike would say "It was odd, but he was just STANDING there, looking at the house. I dont know why, but it was just weird." No-sooner had Carol asked Alice "Have YOU seen a man, in overcoat, and hat, around the Dougan house?" It would be Bobby, and Cindy, who would say "Yes, mom, we seen him before." When Mike asked the children "When?" Bobby would say "Sometimes. He just stands in front of the Dougan house." When Carol would ask the couples two, youngest "Why didn't you say anything, before?" Cindy would say "Daddy asked if we saw anything weird, creepy, or suspicious." Bobby would ask "What's weird about some one, standing in front of a vacant house? He wasn't breaking any windows, of forcing doors."" When Mike decided to "test" his children "This man you say you saw. What did he look like?" While Bobby, and Cindy, could not agree on whether the mans coat was sand, or brown, colored, both children agreed "It was like that coat the man wore, in the Pink Panther movie." When Mike would ask about the wrong character, on purpose, his children would say "No, dad, it was the stupid guy, with the moustache. The guy who talked, funny, and fell over stuff." When Mike would ask "What KIND of hat did he wear? Cowboy? surfur?" Cindy would describe the type, of hat, which Mike had seen. When Mike asked "Was he short, like Peter? Stout, like Mrs. Stanton?" Both children woulld say "No, dad. We dont know what you saw, but the guy we saw was as tall as you. Cindy would say "Maybe even taller." What the children agreed on was that the man was slim. When Carol would ask her children "Just how many times have you SEEN this man?" Bobby, and Cindy, could not decide whether it was three, five, or eight, times. It was not until Mike, Carol, and Alice "canvassed" the neighborhood, that the truth came to light. It would be the Dougans next door neighbors, the McGreggors, who would admit to having hired a magician, to make the Dougan house appear haunted. When Mike asked Mr. McGreggor (A man Mike considered a friend) "Why?" Mr. McGreggor would inform Mike, and Carol "Truth is, we want the house, for ourselves. The problem is that the realtor just wants to much money." When Mike would ask "Why haunt the place?" Mr. McGreggor would say "Mike, my wife and I did some research, and we learned that "haunted houses" just dont sell." Mr. McGreggor would remind Mike Brady of three, local, properties, all of which sat, vacant, for years, just due to ghost STORIES. Mr. McGreggor would admit "I know it seems a bit underhanded, but we HOPED that, if no one would BUY the house..." Mike Brady would say "You could buy the property, for the tax bill. a $200,000 house, for just $450, in back taxes." When Mrs. McGreggor would ask Carol "We hope you will keeep our secret. We wouldn't want our neighbors thinking that we would do anything, to "run them out". Mike would, cautiously, agree, saying "Since you have only been "haunting" the place, since the Dougans left, I guess we can say "No harm done". When Mike would add "On one condition. You leave my family OUT of the matter". Mr. McGreggor would only ask Mike "By the way, what do you think of the Dougan house, engineering wise?" Mike would say "Its in good shape." On the way home, Carol would ask Mike "Do you think it is ethical? Making people THINK a home is "haunted"?" Mike was about to say "No", but only until he remembered more than a few times, when his own employer had been hired, to make "temporary" repairs, in order to make homes sell-able. This, by making th homes APPEAR MORE attractive, to buyers. Mike had, never, felt right, about the fact that he would no-sooner oversee such "renovations", only to have home buyers come, to his firm, asking his boss to have Mike Brady do a home inspection. While Mikes employer had comforted Mike, saying "Think of it this way. The firm makes money, from the temporary work, then we make MORE money, from the actual project." When Mike seemed hesitant to accept this, his employer would say "Remember, Mike. You have nine people counting on you. What happens, to them, if you lose your income?" After patting Mike on the back, the employer would smile, as he said "Think of your family. Thats what matters most." This is why Mike insisted that Carol promise, on their marriage vows, NOT to say a word. When Carol would ask "Not even to Alice?" Mike would say "ESPECIALLY to Alice." While Mike Brady had retained Alice Nelsons services, for so many years, due to the fact that Alice was so great, with cooking, cleaning, and child care, Mike KNEW what NOT to tell his reverred housekeeper. Mike, and Carol, Brady made the agreement. All they would tell anyone, including their own children, was "the mystery has been solved." For reasons, which no one could understand, while the McGreggors only hired the magician to make the Dougan house seem "haunted", the McGreggors had no idea the magician was, also, a thief. While the McGreggors contract, with the magician, was only to "haunt" the Dougan house, a county judge decided that the fact that the magician traded knowledge, of the contract, in return for less jail time, the judge declared the McGreggors "accomplices", to the magicians crimes. As a result, the families hopes, of buying a neighbors home, for back taxes, was smashed. The parents would serve 2-5 years, while their children would be sent to live with relatives. As a result, both the Dougan, and McGreggor, homes would sit, vacant. The court MIGHT have wanted to implicate Mikes employer, as "accomplices", as well, except that the only "evidence" "linking" the Brady's to the case, was that the Brady family lived near the homes. That, and that Mike was employed, by the oversight firm. If this was considered "evidence", who knows what would be next. Mikes friend, in the district attorneys office, would drop by the Brady home, to inform Mike, saying "Mike, Carol, you can relax. There is no case, against you. No one can be convicted of living in an area, or working at a business." After Mikes friend would depart, and Carol would say "That was a close call." Mike would sweep his wife off her feet, saying "Not as close as this." At that, the kids, who had been listening, would say "Lets go, before they do anything." This, even as Alice would say "Excuse me. I have something to attend to."